“These killjoys seem to believe arresting a fugitive should involve stern faces and no selfies, but where’s the fun in that?”
THE selfie has become a cultural phenomenon in the Philippines, and now even fugitives are getting in on the action.
In the latest chapter of the Philippines’ love affair with selfies, a new star has emerged from the most unexpected of places: a fugitive mayor.
Enter Alice Guo, whose selfie game is apparently so strong that even her criminal record couldn’t tarnish her celebrity status. In a country that proudly boasts of being the “selfie capital of the world,” it seems only fitting that even the nation’s fugitives should get their moment of Instagram-ready fame.
And why not? If you’re going down, might as well do it with a smile and a cheeky pose!
Fugitive, TikTok influencer, Chinese spy in disguise?
The controversy kicked off when photos surfaced of Alice Guo, sandwiched between National Bureau of Investigation agents, flashing a smile that could rival a K-pop idol’s on her fan meet-and-greet tour—sorry, I meant arrest.
To the untrained eye, it might have not looked like a dangerous criminal being escorted back to justice, but to Filipino netizens, it was the latest influencer meet-up that they hadn’t been invited to.
And of course, that’s the real crime here.
But wait, there’s more!
Like any proper celebrity, Guo wasn’t going to let her public image falter.
Enter the photo-op with none other than Interior Secretary Benhur Abalos and Philippine National Police Chief Rommel Francisco Marbil.
Who knew high-ranking officials were also part-time photographers?
One minute you’re issuing arrest orders; the next, you’re curating content for your fugitive’s TikTok feed.
Call it multi-tasking.
In defense of selfie culture
Before the haters start clutching their pearls over “ethical standards” and “professionalism,” let’s remember that Guo is just a product of our time.
Isn’t the pursuit of the perfect selfie a human right?
If our Constitution guarantees “equal protection of the laws,” surely that includes the right to strike a pose, whether you’re a celebrity or, you know, an alleged money launderer.
Isn’t it time we updated our moral compasses?
As President Marcos himself said, the Philippines is the selfie capital of the world!
If you’re going to be involved in transnational organized crime, you might as well own it with a grin, right?
If law enforcement officers can’t have a little fun while chasing down criminals, what’s even the point?
Let’s just admit that professionalism is so 2019, and that in 2024, it’s all about securing the perfect angle—even if that angle includes a fugitive and some very confused NBI agents.
How dare you smile?
There are some out there who are less appreciative of Guo’s contribution to the world of digital photography.
Take Senator Risa Hontiveros, who had the audacity to remind everyone that Guo is a fugitive and not, in fact, a K-pop star.
Really, Risa, how dare you ruin the fun by pointing out that Guo faces multiple charges of human trafficking, corruption, and money laundering?
It’s almost like you think the law matters.
And let’s not forget the other critics—Villanueva, Gatchalian, Flores—who’ve labeled the whole affair “unprofessional.”
These killjoys seem to believe arresting a fugitive should involve stern faces and no selfies, but where’s the fun in that?
It’s 2024, baroks! The rules of engagement have changed.
If you’re not updating your social media feed with every high-profile capture, are you even doing your job?
Better pairing than expected
In the alternative universe where law and order have been replaced by selfie sticks, one might wonder if Harry Roque and Alberto Rodulfo Dela Serna were somehow behind this grand performance.
Their history of theatrics and questionable relationships makes them the perfect candidates for an unholy alliance with Guo.
If Guo can turn an arrest into a photo op, imagine the viral gold Roque and Dela Serna could mine together. Selfie with the Contempt Citation, anyone?
Look, it’s time to embrace the future.
We live in a world where criminals can moonlight as influencers, and law enforcement officials are one selfie away from launching their own YouTube channel.
My hot take: Alice Guo should be congratulated, not condemned. She’s showing us that no matter how dark things get, there’s always room for a little #SelfieSaturday. Who needs ethics when you have filters?
Advice for the selfie-obsessed
Abalos and Marbil: You’ve taken your first step into the influencer lifestyle. Why stop now? I recommend launching a YouTube series, “Selfies with Suspects.” Each episode can feature a different fugitive and their preferred poses. Guaranteed hit.
Remulla and the NBI: Stop trying to fight the selfie tide. Issue a memo that all arresting officers must first secure the suspect’s preferred lighting and camera angle. It’s called respect, people.
The Public: Stop being so judgmental. If Alice Guo can smile while facing 87 counts of money laundering, maybe it’s time we all lightened up too.
So, what have we learned today?
In the Philippines, even fugitives can become social media stars.
And to Alice Guo, I say: You may be a fugitive, but you’re also an inspiration. Keep smiling, because in the Philippines, even the law loves a good selfie.
Just make sure you’re not smiling too hard when you’re serving your sentence of 600 years in jail… while you’re simultaneously running a thriving online beauty empire from behind bars.
After all, in this country, even a fugitive can become a social media influencer, right?
