“What better way to address serious allegations than to host a media party at the exact same time as her NBI probe?”
Vice President Sara Duterte is proving that holiday multitasking isn’t just for shopping lists.
Last Dec. 11, she had two very different gigs: hosting a ‘thanksgiving lunch’ for journalists and allegedly masterminding threats against President Marcos and his family.
Somewhere between the lechon grilling and the NBI investigation, the nation might find out whether ‘peace on earth’ was merely a clerical error in her holiday plans.
But fear not, for Sara has taken a page from Santa’s book and made a list. Instead of checking it twice, however, she’s apparently sent it straight to her PR team.
What better way to address serious allegations than to host a media party at the exact same time as her NBI probe? After all, nothing screams “transparency and accountability” like swapping subpoenas for a buffet.
Why Duterte should be the life of the party
From a derisive perspective, Duterte’s media lunch is pure genius. It’s the ultimate power move.
Why endure the probing questions of NBI agents when you can bask in the soft glow of reporters too busy eating lechon to ask hard questions? Besides, the holiday season is about forgiveness, and what better way to inspire goodwill than with a spread of pancit and lumpia?
Some might argue that Duterte’s party is a thoughtful gesture to support the media, a profession under siege globally. It’s a “thank you” for covering her year of carefully curated controversies. Let’s not forget: nothing lubricates the wheels of democracy like a well-fed fourth estate.
Why Duterte should RSVP “Dili”
On the flip side, this media lunch could come across as, well, awkward. Throwing a party for journalists while under investigation for alleged threats against the ruling family is like a pyromaniac hosting a barbecue in a fire station. The optics are terrible.
Moreover, one has to wonder about the menu. Will the feast include symbolic dishes like sinigang sa intriga or adobo ng alibi? If the party doesn’t feature a dessert called “Contempt Cake,” it’s a missed branding opportunity.
Complications and repercussions
Should Duterte prioritize her party over her probe, she risks setting a precedent for “Accountability Lite,” where officials dodge serious inquiries with a calendar full of social events.
On the other hand, if she skips the party for the NBI, her carefully cultivated image as the queen of strategic indifference might crumble.
For the media, attending the party could lead to accusations of complicity or at least a sugar-induced journalistic coma.
For the NBI, the absence of Duterte might solidify their role as the party poopers of Philippine politics. And for the Filipino people, it’s another surreal chapter in a saga where governance feels more like a reality show.
Satiric tips
For Duterte: Launch a line of “Sara Saves Christmas” merchandise, including mugs that say, “I skipped my NBI probe, and all I got was this lousy subpoena.”
For the NBI: Set up a mobile interrogation unit at the party. Who says you can’t question witnesses over dessert?
For the Media: Bring doggie bags. If you’re going to be accused of bias, you might as well have free kare-kare to show for it.
For Filipinos: Treat this whole affair as a holiday comedy special. After all, laughter is the best medicine—especially when public accountability seems like a lost cause
Ultimately, Duterte’s choice—whether the party, the probe, or some chaotic cocktail of both—will ensure December 11 becomes a holiday classic.
After all, Philippine politics always delivers: part opera, part circus, and just enough chaos to keep us questioning if we should laugh, cry, or call an exorcist.
