“Our God is a loving, kind, and merciful God”
I HAVE been a devotee of the Nazareno for a long time, since childhood actually, every time we visited the Church of the Nazareno in Cagayan de Oro during the Visita Iglesia every Holy Week.
As often as I could, I would go to mass in Quiapo and ask for the Nazareno’s interventions in many crises.
More recently, I have had an intense desire to participate in the Traslacion, which I was finally able to do in 2018 when the Rector of Quiapo Church was my classmate and student Monsignor Ding Coronel.
I wrote about that experience then. I observed from the sidelines, using what I called “eyes of science and faith.” I touched the Andas before the midnight mass, kissed the feet of the image at the pahalik, attended the command center. But I did not dare join the procession itself.
I wrote: “During the actual procession, I would not dream of trying to go near the Andas. Someday, I might dare but not this year.”
Fast forward to Aug. 2022, in Medical City, when I nearly died twice due to extreme blood loss after an operation.
During the first time, I lost consciousness and do not recall anything.
But the second time I nearly died, the physical pain due to a blockage in my bladder was so excruciating (10/10 as I kept shouting to the medical residents watching over me) that I was conscious all the time.
In between cries of pain, I would utter prayers for relief: “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.”
And then I had the vision of the Nazareno walking towards me, gesturing for me to come nearer. At first I thought He wanted me to come with Him, to leave this world and follow Him to heaven. I even told my wife Titay, let’s pray that we accept God’s will and plan, which I interpreted as dying.
But then I heard the voice of Jesus Nazareno distinctly telling me: “No. You still have a mission in the world. I have come to accompany you in your pain, but I want you to live, to love more, to serve, and to witness.”
So I turned to Titay and said, let’s change our prayer and ask first for relief from pain and then for healing.
And shortly after I was injected with fentanyl, making the pain manageable, and my blood pressure, which had gone down to zero, started rising. And then I was brought to the ICU to be monitored and eventually recovered.
Many people less sick than me have died since I was diagnosed. I think I know why I am still here today.
When I was saved from the jaws of death, I thought that my remaining mission was about a dream project I was going to do in Mindanao. It turned out that was not the case.
The mission I am called to, for which I have been given additional time, is not for any particular work but to simply proclaim: Our God is a loving, kind, and merciful God.
Jesus saves us from our sins and accompanies us in our suffering. The Holy Spirit guides us always.
I do this in my peace, human rights, and climate justice work and in following the itinerary of the Neocatechumanal Way to live a life of humility, simplicity, and praise, following the example of the Holy Family.
Cardinal Tagle once said about the Traslacion that “To understand the devotee, you have to be a devotee yourself.” In 2018, I was beginning to understand. In Medical City, the Nazareno made me understand fully what it means to be accompanied in suffering. In 2030, God willing, I will walk that understanding back to Him.
This is my affidavit of hope. This is my promise. The Nazareno told me to live, and I am living. He told me to love more, and I am loving. He told me to serve, and I am serving. He told me to witness, and I am witnessing. And I still sing with all my heart:
Nuestro Padre Jesus Nazareno
Sinasamba Ka namin, pinipintuho Ka namin
Aral Mo ang aming buhay at kaligtasan
Nuestro Padre Jesus Nazareno
Iligtas Mo kami sa kasalanan
Ang Krus Mong kinamatayan
Ay sagisag ng aming kaligtasan
Nuestro Padre Jesus Nazareno
Dinarangal Ka namin
Nuestro Padre Jesus Nazareno
Nilul’walhati Ka namin
Note: I borrow the phrase “affidavit of hope” from Tin Lao, whose beautiful book of poems is entitled “Affidavit of Loss.”
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