Toddler tantrums can be overwhelming for even the most seasoned parents. Comedian Jerry Springer once described having a two-year-old as “like having a blender without a lid,” capturing the chaos many families experience during the so-called Terrible Twos.
The phase, marked by screaming, kicking, hitting, and defiance, can be especially challenging for first-time parents who may not know how to respond when their child tests boundaries in public or at home.
Bernadette C. Benitez, MD, a pediatrician at Makati Medical Center, said the Terrible Twos is a normal developmental stage for children between 18 and 30 months.
“At this age, they’re walking, climbing, and speaking in two-to-three-word sentences,” Dr. Benitez said. “They’re also starting to understand emotions, test boundaries, assert independence, and realize that what they want may not align with others. Their nervous system is still highly immature, which makes it difficult for them to manage big emotions.”
of the Terrible Twos
Frustration often arises when toddlers cannot express themselves, resulting in meltdowns. Experts advise parents to remain calm.
“Take a deep breath and remind yourself that no one’s at fault,” Dr. Benitez said. “As a parent, you did nothing wrong. A tantrum is just developmentally appropriate behavior. Your goal is to calm your child, and to do that, you must stay calm yourself.”
How parents respond depends on the situation. In public, Dr. Benitez recommends taking the child to a quiet spot and speaking at eye level with a gentle but firm tone. Reassuring questions and soothing touch, such as rubbing their back or holding their hand, can help toddlers feel safe.
For tantrums following a denied request, parents should calmly ignore the outburst. “This teaches the child that outbursts are not an effective way to get what they want and helps them learn self-regulation,” Dr. Benitez said.
Parents can also offer choices instead of yes-or-no questions to help toddlers express preferences. When a child hits or kicks, Dr. Benitez advises separating the children, comforting the victim, and calmly explaining to the aggressor that hurting others has consequences.
Repeated tantrums may require a time-out. “Let them sit or stand in a corner until you say they’re done. This helps them manage feelings and understand behavioral limits,” she said.
Dr. Benitez also reminded parents that it is normal to lose patience. “It’s human to raise your voice or get frustrated. Model accountability by apologizing and striving to do better next time,” she said.
