“Mind you: they sound so much easier written down.”
I HAVE long given up on New Year Resolutions. I’m not so good at turning over a new leaf, or changing a mindset, or breaking habits, with just the flip of a (virtual) calendar.
I’ve learned, however, that I could work with words. I’m sharing mine in this space today. A warning, though: My buzz words do not quite observe the rules of parallelism – they are a mix of four nouns, one verb, and one adjective, in no particular order of importance, stated for their brevity and punch than for any consideration of form.
Boundaries. I’m often described as nice or kind and accommodating. As one grows older, one realizes that this is not entirely a good thing. Some people, whether they are aware of it or not, will try to overstep and impinge upon your time, or space, or peace. Sometimes they get so carried away with their own concerns and act as though it were the most important thing in the world. Don’t apologize for setting boundaries; observe how people react when they have crossed yours and you call them out gently and diplomatically.
Balance. I’m a Gen Xer. We were taught to work hard and tough it out, to respect authority, and that being productive and planning with a timeline were ideal. These days, however, we’re finding that the values with which we were brought up are not absolute, and that they are not the only ways to live well. And so while I still believe that nothing beats hard work, glorifying busy-ness is a trap. We are more than our job titles and salaries and achievements, in the same way that we are more than our frustrations and failures. Working and pausing, doing and letting things be, being a person for others and practicing self care – these are tricky areas that we have to learn to navigate as we move along.
Stoic. I’ve been reading up on stoicism. I thought it was simply the ability to detach oneself from things, to be “nonchalant” in today’s words. It turns out that it is more about recognizing the things that are within one’s control and those that are not. I can do my best in all that I can control – my work, my behavior, my responses. Still, the outcomes will vary and I have no way of guaranteeing any single result. It is here I have to let go. After I have ensured that I have done all I could do, I utter: What will be, will be.
Believe me, it sounds so much easier written down. In truth, especially for an overthinker, it is difficult to let go of scenarios in one’s head. Sometimes I have to do mental exercises – say, holding a pair of scissors and cutting strings that tie me to an idea, a worry, even a person. Again, it’s a practice, a way of life and not a destination. It’s good to focus on what you can do today, and tomorrow will take care of itself.
Thrive. I call this column Chasing Happy emphasizing the chase, and acknowledging that Happy cannot truly be captured. Instead of being happy, it’s more realistic to aim to thrive. This does not mean a perfect state or the absence of adversity. This means a life I love, blunders and miscalculation included, and which enables me to pause and think and imagine how I could do better. It’s a life I can look back on, extract lessons from, and ultimately write and talk about with gusto.
Meaning. One particularly melancholic afternoon, I was sitting on a pew at the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice at UP, musing about the things not quite coming together in my life. Call it epiphany, or a divine whisper, or perhaps a timely message from my enlightened self or a higher being. “That’s because you’re seeking validation and recognition. Try meaning and purpose, you’ll never go wrong.” I thought the realization was creepy at first, because it literally just came to me while I was sitting there. Now I know it’s grace.
Impermanence. “Nothing lasts” is not some bitter utterance or a romcom plot gone awry. It’s a fact that we would all go at some point. While here, experiencing something beautiful is always a gift, whether it is a breathtaking view from a window, a relationship or friendship, or a certain “golden phase” in one’s life. Unhappiness comes from the expectation that it will always remain that way. Know that everything is fleeting — it lends a poignance to the moment when you’re beholding the view, or spending time with the friend, or reveling in your success. A more comforting thought: in the same way, dark days won’t be permanent as well.
What’s your buzz word?
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