In my practice of family law for decades now, I have encountered many women suffering from the trauma of abuse and yet who are in denial about it.
Recently, a young, good-looking but agitated woman came to see me with a summons from a court ordering her to file her answer in a petition for declaration of nullity of marriage filed by her husband. My initial thought was she probably wanted legal representation to oppose the petition filed against her. To my surprise she said she did not want to contest the case but only wanted me to make sure that the promise of her husband to give her the small townhouse she was living in would be fulfilled. She said she did not care about asking for support or even getting her share from all the other assets in their names.
Uncertain why she said this, I read the petition filed against her. It spoke of her as allegedly being immature, uncaring and having a dependent personality disorder. The petition did not mention of any property belonging to their community of property so I wondered why she said she wanted an assurance that she would be given the townhouse she was living at.
My probing yielded these facts: that she married a man from a very wealthy family who, at the time of their marriage five years ago, had numerous properties in his name; that he turned out to be excessively possessive, physically and psychologically abusive and had extramarital relationships too.
She had to stop working to serve his needs as he expected her to make him the center of her life. Yet, he always called her worthless, stupid and other names meant to put her down. Sometimes he would slap her for minor reasons like serving cold food or not seeing that his clothes are ironed well enough. Worse, his mother made a point of making her know that she had always wanted her son to marry someone in their social class but her son failed her. One day, this young woman said, her mother-in-law, with a lawyer in tow, and in the presence of her husband, made her sign several documents waiving her rights to a number of properties. The mother-in-law told her that all these properties were bought by her for her son and that it was only right that she, the wife, should make no claim over them.
I could not help noticing this young woman repeating a number of times that she did not want anything from her husband’s family but only the roof over her head as she has no other place to live since her parents are now abroad. I sensed she was very cautious about being thought of as greedy in wanting a share in her husband’s properties acquired prior to their marriage. She also said she wanted her marriage voided too as she could not stand a day longer with him calling her up only to badger and curse her and to remind her that she should not contest the nullity of marriage he filed or else he would take back the townhouse unit she was living at. I learned that he had abandoned her six months ago and is now living with a woman he met in a bar.
When I asked if they had a pre-nuptial agreement, she said no. Thus I told her that, in fact, because they were married just five years ago, the Family Code which took effect on Aug. 3, 1988 governs their property regime. I told her too that the law mandates that all properties already owned by a person at the time of the wedding shall belong to the absolute community of property of the spouses if they did not execute a pre-nuptial agreement saying otherwise. I also told her that she has to oppose his petition as it contained falsities and to tell the court that, in fact, they have community properties to divide over which she has a right. However, I noticed that she looked defeated and resigned to her fate saying that she does not want to be thought of as greedy.
I then went on to advise her to think things over and to be not afraid of being labeled as greedy because the law was on her side. I said that if she sincerely wanted to waive her rights over the properties her husband owned prior to marriage that was fine too provided that she and her husband signed an agreement which must be submitted to, and approved by, the court. She retorted that her mother-in-law had already made her sign waivers over their properties so there is really nothing else left to agree on. To this, I explained that whatever documents she signed pertaining to properties that rightfully belong to her and her husband’s absolute community have no binding and valid effect unless submitted to, and approved by, the court.
In spite of all that I advised her, she could not make a decision. She was frozen with the fear she would never hear the end of it from her husband if she even does so much as file an answer in the nullity case. She left, explaining she needed time to think things through.
I felt sad. This is a feeling that festers every time a woman who has been through an abusive relationship refuses to believe that she is not powerless. Yet, I am optimistic that, like most of the other women whom I have succeeded in empowering to pick up the pieces and find their worth again, this one will stand up for her rights.
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