“Some obit authorities say it is all right for the obit to be concise and to the point with just a few lines about the remarkable impressions the departed one has left on the world”
We had a well-defined opportunity with a friend from old times, among the best speechwriters we have ever met, when we were seated beside each other during a necrological service for a well-loved local official in a northern municipality.
He was silent throughout the 30-minute ceremony at the town hall as the four orators paid their respective tribute to the man. His quiet demeanor was as marked during the response delivered by the widow.
We were able to pick up some pebbles during the obituaries that we thought captured and honored the spirit of the deceased. We thought each orator left sincere paragraphs those who attended, not the least the bereaved kin, would treasure as they remembered the person’s memory.
Somewhere in between the pauses – we thought the orations were coming from the heart even in the absence of a teleprompter or a character generator—we asked ourselves what would make a good eulogy indeed.
Something that would touch the attendees and to genuinely remember the person in his lifetime, the things he did, the dreams he had, and his service to his community, among kernels of his humanity.
We were thinking whoever wrote the eulogies including the response was going beyond the fascination of the beginning of from ash to ash but from crafted letters of the alphabet and beyond—incredible detail with lots of personal insight.
This is where we thought there must be something in an oration during necrological services that can be so moving which properly captures and honors the spirit, the memory, of the deceased.
In some naughty corner of our cerebrum, we remembered how relatives of one arch rival of a local philanthropist/politician was asked to deliver a eulogy for his mortal enemy.
The man could decline, even in the most polite manner available to him, but accepted the invitation and delivered what was thought was a stirring oration in praising the deceased with words.
In his eulogy he said: “Our friend, who had just passed on, is peerless; he has done his best for our community with projects that have risen and will be there through scores for generations to appreciate; none can compare with his compassion, his capacity for consideration, among others.”
Then he paused, looked at the body beside him, and added, softly but clearly, “provided he is dead.”
That kind of obituary might not sit well with the near kin in other circumstances, but there are others who do not want “traditional” obituaries” and wan a different plate: followed on the rim with humor, flair, wit and character.
And we asked the question while listening to the four orators. What makes a great obit?
Right off the hip, there are those who suggest that an obit must be wonderful in that it accomplishes what all other obits should by being, to quote some experts, “unafraid to let the person’s personality shine.”
Even the most sensational obituaries should include key details about the person’s life and death.
The recitation of these details can feel a bit cold and clinical, but it’s important to have the basics down.
In the newsroom, broadcast or print, obituaries of even the living are prepared to be used when they get promoted or die and to enable the laboratory of human character, the newsroom, to beat the monstrous deadline either for print or for online.
Some experts suggest answering some questions when writing what could be a well remembered obit:
How would you describe the person’s personality? What did people say most often about him/her?
What are some of your favorite memories of the person?
What were the person’s proudest accomplishments?
What were the person’s hobbies/favorite things?
What was the thing the person loved most as a person?
Any foibles/quirks or other personality traits that made the person different from the rest?
There are those who recommend that an obituary must give you all the staple information of a traditional obit, but functions more as a eulogy, with tons of anecdotes and character.
To write an obit like this, they say you must narrow in on your clearest memories.
Which means you must know the person well, even his silhouettes and shadows when nobody is watching – with stories that demonstrate the qualities of the person while still alive.
And the four orators at the town hall did not repeat each other’s phrasal verbs.
It was like they were looking at the deceased from four different points that made the dead live —even if only during the necrological service.
Some obit authorities say it is all right for the obit to be concise and to the point with just a few lines about the remarkable impressions the departed one has left on the world.
“Use your own judgment about what’s appropriate,” one authority has said, adding “If you knew the person well, chances are you’ll be able to assess the tone and style that would suit them.”
After the service, our friend from old times and us had coffee, as usual, at his manicured garden with blue grass for carpet.
Without him asking what we thought of the orations and the response, we volunteered that whoever wrote the obits of the four orators and the response of the family member must know the deceased from A to Z.
He looked at us, with rather discerning but quiet eyes.
He did not have to exhale a word.
We knew at once he was asked to write the orations and the response.
Time for another cup.