“Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back, and reasons to stay.”
– Dalai Lama XIV
Social media has changed the way we relate with each other, in my opinion. It is an extension of how we would treat each other in real life. In some cases, we treat each other better online than in real life, or vice versa.
All of us have a Facebook friend we’ve never really met, but thanks to mutual friends, we add them or accept their friend requests and begin to interact. The same goes for love prospects, I guess.
We see their profile, see what we have in common, and take a chance. Besides, the worst that can happen is they ignore us. Or we end up as just friends. Then we move on to the next prospect or – as they say in Tinder – we swipe left.
(Tinder is an app that shows prospects in your area. If you aren’t attracted to a prospect, you swipe left on the pic and the app presents you with another one. If you are attracted to a prospect, you swipe right. If he or she also swiped right with you, the app will inform you with a happy, “It’s a Match!” The rest is up to you.)
The distance and initial anonymity of an online relationship may make us feel that we can be completely honest without worrying about being judged or what the other person will think of us. This allows us to be more candid, and therefore brings us closer to the person at the other end, provided he or she is extending the same amount of honesty to you.
On the other hand, the lack of serious commitment to each other whether in the beginning or throughout the course of the relationship allows us to chat with as many people as we prefer, until we find the right fit. Accept the fact, though, that if this is what you do, then maybe this is also what is being done to you. Ergo, you are one of the many, not the only one.
Romantics like me may see online relationships as proof of the power of the written word, when a “Good morning,” “Good night,” “I love you,” or “I’m thinking of you” can send one over the moon. They can be the modern version of what we used to call “pen pals” when I was younger (Kids, look it up!), except now the communication is real time, the reaction instant, and there are emojis.
Gwendolyn Binoya was one of two girls whom I helped rehabilitate from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after they survived Typhoon Haiyan and moved to Manila to earn a living for their families in Tacloban and Samar. In 2014, Gwen would be moved to tears each time we spoke about the experience. By the end of our two months together, she was back to being the sassy girl she used to be.
Today, Gwen is in the US, recently married to Andrew Pesina, a boy she met online.
“I met Andrew through Chatroulette after a failed blind date,” Gwen says. “I thought maybe my soul mate was outside my 10-mile radius. One boring day, I went on that site and met him. The first conversation went well and we exchanged Facebook names and got to know each other more through chats and voice calls.
“He would always talk to me like we were just beside each other. He made the effort despite the time difference.” December 7 will be their first anniversary of meeting online virtually.
I asked my friends for their opinion on the matter, and here’s what they have to say:
“I think it’s a must to start with a secure sense of self, a strong sense of self-love and self-worth, knowing what you want and don’t want – and what you deserve.”
– Celine Encarnacion
“Apps have provided both convenience and the false illusion of endless options. They make people less likely to settle because maybe ‘there’s someone better’.”
– Justine Tan
“I think we need apps that are more romantically inclined, not that ‘quick fix’ apps are not welcome. But apps that encourage dating as opposed to plain hook ups.”
– Matthew Pirante Perez
What are your thoughts on online relationships? Would you go for it or not? Why? Tell me by emailing coffeewithkai@gmail.com. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter: @kaimagsanoc.