Last November 12, I turned 36 years old.
I thought, “How can I be 36 and still feel like I’m 18?!”
Yep, there’s a part of us that refuses to grow up, and perhaps we need that part there. It’s what reminds us to be joyful with simple things, to uncomplicate the obstacles we face, and to remember that no matter how hard life gets, it will go on.
But there’s also that part of us that bears the battle scars of everything we have ever gone through, from a broken heart to a failed marriage to the loss of a parent. This is the part that remains calm when everyone else is panicking, because it knows it can handle and survive anything.
I looked back at my life and thought about the lessons I have learned from the different chapters that comprise it, and thought I’d celebrate my being a mid-30-something in the time of millennials by sharing lessons I have learned.
1. It’s okay to forgive and not forget
Forgiving is necessary because it liberates us from the person and situation that hurt us, but it is a fact that there are people whose main goal is to hurt and harm us. When our instinct tells us to pull back, we listen to it. One can be kind without being a pushover. Draw the line.
2. We have control over our faith
Our relationship with God is our own business and nobody else’s. No matter what religion we are born to or raised in, what works for others – yes, even our own family – may not work for us, and it’s okay. Soul search and find out what works. The result may be even deeper and steadfast.
3. There is a love worth giving our all to
Remember the all-consuming wonder of your first love, when thoughts of him would keep you awake all night? As we grew older, we learned about self-preservation. This keeps us from getting hurt but also keeps us from feeling really alive. I say don’t hold back. Embrace both joy and pain. Laugh and cry your heart out. It’s worth it.
4. Best friends come and some choose to go…
… and we should let them. I’ve had people I called my “BFF” whom I welcomed not only into my deepest thoughts but also into my family, who suddenly disappeared from my life. So I looked to the ones who’ve stayed through the years, through thick and thin. They’re the real thing.
5. Not all great people are good people
Credentials are impressive, but it’s how a person is when nobody else is around that matters. Does she practice what she preaches? Is she sincere? Remember: a lot of oppressors in history were brilliant, but they were selfish and greedy. I’d rather know a simple person with a heart for others.
6. There is a kind of self-love that is not bad
Self-love is necessary for us to lead a good and happy life without needing to be loved by someone else. It’s what makes us treat ourselves better. It’s what reminds us to send kindness our way. When we love and respect ourselves, we feel and look good, and we demand love and respect from others, too.
7. Self-talk is healthy and helpful
When I am confused and hurting, I become my own best friend. I allow a part of myself to pull away from my Self, and try to see the situation I am in from a detached and objective perspective. Easier said than done, but it works. I write my internal dialogue in a journal, and by the end of every entry, I always feel better and at peace.
8. It’s okay to admit to ourselves that we can’t do everything
It is natural for us to want to accomplish everything we need to do, not just for ourselves but especially for others. But the mind and body get tired, and when they do, they need to rest and recover. Don’t feel guilty about this. It is when we are in our best shape that we are also able to do our best work.
At my mid-thirties, I find that there are days when it’s harder for me to “adult.” When this happens, instead of hating myself and going into negative self-talk, I give my self space and allow myself to rest, like I would a friend.
Life’s a never-ending journey of falls and lessons learned. What matters is we get back up each time – even in mid-life.
Can you relate with the lessons I just shared? Let me know your thoughts by emailing coffeewithkai@gmail.com. Connect with me on Twitter and Instagram @kaimagsanoc and let’s have a conversation.