Photos by Sonny Espiritu
For some Filipinos, it has become the norm to ask an adult single woman “Why don’t you have a boyfriend yet?” or even impose on her that “You should be getting married now!” While these could appear like harmless inquiry or genuine concern, they could actually be hurtful and disrespectful to the receiver of such questions and statements.
“That is not the only objective of women nowadays. There’s so much more to do,” stresses veteran Public Relations executive Joy Buensalido.
She continues, “Times have changed, rules have changed. That was fine before but you have to respect every individual’s choices.”
Things like this, among other personal experiences in various situations, have prompted Buensalido to write her second book Pinoy Manners: A Modern Guide to Delicadeza for All Generations.
According to her, ideas for the guidebook came in trickles as she deals with things that would annoy, irritate or cause her to feel flustered or upset.
Always armed with notebook and pen, Buensalido jotted down every sticky situation she have faced and the proper way to handle it. She then decided to “put together all my notes, my episodes and personal experiences,” hence the 133-page book came about after two years.
Pinoy Manners touches on dealing with nosey neighbors, people who blurt out tactless or unpleasant questions and remarks (Is it true that you’ve ended your marriage?” “Ang taba mo na!”), office politics, senior citizens and ex-lovers, among a bevy of other topics.
The Buensalido Public Relations founder and president shares practical guides and advises when one is faced with such circumstances in a light and unimposing manner.
The witty tone of the book helps engage the readers to listen to the author like she is the “cool Tita” who is never preachy but always affectionate–ready with her timeless tips that remain relevant in the modern age. The illustrations by book designer Elbert Or add a fun and appealing factor to the guidebook.
Delicadeza is something that’s important to Buensalido, so much so that she wants to “bring it back.” Defining the primary theme of her book, she says “delicadeza is sensitivity to another person’s feelings,” but no matter how relevant this concept is, many people don’t practice it anymore.
“I’ve seen that now among groups [of friends], they exchange boyfriends and girlfriends. In my time, we would never do that because we respected each other’s territory,” she relates, further lamenting, “I felt that the boundaries now are looser.”
While she points out that the rules in the book are not absolute, she avers that “there should be a little discretion and refinement” even if, and most especially, the times have changed and social rules have evolved.
The PR expert hopes Pinoy Manners would serve as a gentle reminder and an eye-opener about our habits and behavior that may need re-evaluation. “People need to respect other people’s feelings and don’t need to impose their opinions,” she notes.
Delicadeza traces its roots in the olden age, but Buensalido believes it is timeless and is definitely not dead.
Visit Pinoy Manners on Facebook to find out how to get a copy.