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Thursday, November 30, 2023

Ghoster or Ghosted?

Not-so-spooky stories worth sharing this Halloween 

Some of us have a fair share of ‘ghosting’ stories, and I’m talking about ghosting in the dating scene. Perhaps you’ve been ghosted, or you were the one who ghosted. Or on different occasions and for whatever reasons, both. 

Here are some stories shared with me, some hilarious, some not so.  

Ghosting the would-be ghoster

Halloween or not, being ghosted isn’t nice and ghosting isn’t something to be proud of

I knew I was about to be ghosted since the guy was sharing his not being ready even though we went out three times already. So, one morning, I called it off. He replied to tell me that he would explain but never did. Then the pandemic happened, and I never heard from him again. In this case, maybe I was the one who ghosted first. – DSJ, Manila, in his/her 30s

Tables have turned

We were friends for a long time. I was in love with him, unfortunately, he wasn’t that much into me. Nonetheless, we became a couple. Months later he broke up with me and did not offer so much explanation. I was so devastated. I tried to talk to him to understand. I got nothing. So, I moved on. Lately, he’s been reaching out to me. But I’m ignoring him. I’m unaffected. I guess the tables have turned. – CF, Mandaluyong, in her 30s

Bye childhood crush

He is one of my oldest friends in our community, one of those I’d call “Kuya” because he is a few years older than I am. We were sort of friends. I knew he was in a relationship but when they broke up, we got closer. We talked and hung out for a month. After that… poof! Not even a word. – JA, Manila, in her 30s]

She led me on…to nothing

I thought we had something—we were already dating. I could say she was into me. This was in 2019, just before the pandemic. We were flirting—and she was responding well to my flirty messages. Then in the middle of our “landian” she just stopped replying to me. No explanations, whatsoever. I was really devastated as I didn’t have a single clue as to the reason why she did it. Well, I’ve moved on now. 

Break it to me gently… or not 

So, if you were the one who isn’t just into him or her, what would you rather do? Would you break it to her gently or not? I asked some of your ‘Titos and Titas of Manila,’ and here’s what they have to say: 

To those who finally found the courage to apologize and explain, even if it took them a while to do so—bravo!

The dudes: 

It depends [on the person’s character and the situation] really. But when I’m not into a girl, my rule has always been ‘be kind and warm but firm.’ – AG, 30s

It’s not easy but here are some that I did. 

a) Said that she’s a great friend— as in I friend-zoned her right away. I think I said something like: “Alam mo, ang cool mo ka-tropa talaga.” 

b) Straightforward. I did this before to someone who was set up to be my date by a mutual friend. I told our common friend: “Your friend seems really nice kaya lang wala pa kasi ako sa dating phase sa ngayon eh.”

c) Super honest: “It’s a really nice night, but I do think we’re better off as friends nalang.” – CA, 30s

I’d make valid excuses such as “My cat just died or something.” – AJG, 20s

The dudettes

Just don’t make him feel special. If the guy isn’t into me, even if I am into him, I’d appreciate it if he would not make me feel special in any way. – M, 30s

I stop engaging. or mention someone who has a crush on you that you’d like to date. – GM, 30s

Say things in love. Be direct and honest but say it with a little cushion and caution. It’s based on Ephesians 4:15. – CL, 30s

To some, being ghosted is both heartbreaking and traumatizing

For some, being ghosted can be quite traumatic. Sometimes, it is a good call to be upfront with someone; the truth may hurt but it’s finer than leading someone on to nothing. I fully agree with being kind and truthful at the same time, firm. And bravo to those who finally found the courage to apologize and explain, even if it took them a while to do so. It’s still better than nothing. Halloween or not, being ghosted isn’t nice and ghosting isn’t something to be proud of.

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