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Friday, March 29, 2024

Be Cool, Not a Tool: A Drinker’s Guide to Bar Etiquette

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Disclaimer: These tips only apply to "proper" bars – or those with bartenders that have had proper training, not dive bars.  

Going to bars is a fun experience, generally (unless you’re there to drown your sorrows, but that’s another column altogether). You can enjoy a night of boozy fun with your friends, significant other, or even in just your own company. 

As a bar owner and a bar goer, there have been a few things that I’ve noticed that maybe we need to be reminded of; a certain sense of decorum to keep in mind. 

Here are a few reminders on how to behave in a bar.

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THE BAR (OR SOMETHING MORE CLEVER)

Don’t go to a bar when you’re on "water therapy," where you hog the tables and not order anything. Either you’re there to hang out or people watch (This is not a park where you can just go and sit and chat for hours without a care in the world. Do not camp out.) or to be seen in a "hip" or "trendy" place. The seats have value. 

Don’t ask the bar to turn down the music. Don’t tell them what to play, unless you are in a piano bar. If you want somewhere quiet to chat, go to a coffee house. 

THE BARTENDER 

Don’t ask the bartender to make your drink stronger. You’re basically teaching or asking the bartender to cheat at work, and he might even get fired for indulging you. Also, there’s a reason why there is that much liquor in your drink. Respect it. You’re just trying to get more booze for free. If you want more liquor, you need to pay for it. 

Treat him with respect. Don’t be rude, whistle at him, snap your fingers or wave your arms. The best way to get his attention is by looking him in the eye. A good bartender periodically scans the bar for new guests or for those who need them for another round, the bill, etc., so you will have his attention within a reasonable time. Don’t chat up the bartender when he is busy. He needs to concentrate when he is pouring, slicing, squeezing, measuring, garnishing the drinks. You’d want his complete attention to your drink, so do the same for others and just chat him up when he’s not so busy. 

THE BATHROOM

Oh, the bathroom. Get comfortable, because this will take a while. I have a few gripes about this particular room. Firstly, don’t hold up the bathroom. Alcohol is a diuretic, and that means frequent visits to the loo. Just do your business as fast, and as hygienic as you can and step out to let the next person use it. This is not the time to check your Twitter or post on Facebook. You know what it feels like to have nature calling (Line 1, hopefully. Oh, God help you if it’s calling on Line 2.), and you keep wishing the person in the stall would hurry up. 

For the love of everything holy, please aim in the general direction of the urinal/bowl. Girls can be really gross, too, so this does not only pertain to the gents. Try not to make the bathroom grosser than it is when you got there. Don’t pee in the sink. 

Oh, and I am all for PDA. What with alcohol lowering inhibitions (and standards), it’s normal to feel hot and heavy when inebriated. By all means, flirt and make out. But please keep it like PG 13. If it gets too steamy, get at room, but not the bathroom. 

TIPPING

There’s a reason why the saying “Tipping is not a city in China” is a common joke. People seem to forget that bar staff rely on tips. Gratuity is also a sign that you appreciate the service that you’ve gotten. So unless you got really crappy service, leave a tip. 

So there you have it. Just a few tips on how to conduct yourself in a bar. 

Follow me on Instagram @sanvicentegirl

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