Let me be the first to say that after today, life will never be the same. I’m sure all of us would have wanted our ‘moment’ in the Philippine International Convention Center. I share what you feel. I would rather face all of you in person in PICC, yet here I am, broadcasting from a separate location, and like you, taking part in the united effort to stay apart. I, too, share in the anxiety most of you feel about the uncertainty of graduating in this way and at this time.
However, despite our current circumstances, we still have the privilege of celebrating our journey to this moment as graduates. For some, you may be the first to graduate in your family; for others, you may be another addition to a family with a long history of Lasallians. But whatever your story may be, or in whatever way we hold these commencement exercises, we have now graduated. For this, I send my warmest congratulations to each one of you because no effort toward finishing your degree, especially at this time, should go unnoticed.
Finishing my degree, however, is one experience that actually started from another degree, yet the step-backs, before I moved forward with my current degree, did not happen just once, but twice. In this case, I had to take two steps back to move forward.
Coming into De La Salle University as an accountancy student, I felt the pressure of maintaining the golden reputation that Lasallian accountants held high. For someone like me, who is not inherently gifted in that field, I had to invest so much in textbooks, columnar sheets, and reviewers just so that studying would be easier. I had to invest time and endure commuting in the morning, at times even being groped in LRT1, just to arrive before my 7:30 a.m. accounting class, commute back home to study after finishing other subjects until 6:00 p.m., and sometimes falling asleep in a packed jeepney. Despite all these trials that I had to endure, in my very first basic accounting course, when I was hoping for at least an 83 to pass, the first words from my professor during grade consultation day were ‘I’m sorry.’ Seeing my grade miss by a few decimal points”•it was disheartening, for sure, because I had to retake the subject. I thought that, yeah, I’m always up for round two, but not for that. I even had blockmates opting to shift out as early as then because they did not want to go through the pain and shame of retaking a course. Some were even egging me to do the same.
This was my first step backward. When you ‘trip’ in the first round, it would definitely make you question yourself. Somehow, I was still convinced to push through. I took the near-miss as a sign to change my study habits and to work harder, and because of that, I chose to retake the course.
After that first burn, I hustled harder. This time, I attended all seminars our professor needed us to go to. Waking up way earlier than usual became a routine just so there would be extra time for me to prepare before my 7:30 a.m. classes. I would even set the alarm for me to go home early, so reviewing at home would start earlier. I bought a new calculator and even upgraded my glasses’ prescription because my astigmatism had worsened from my having to read fine-print test papers. All these eventually led me to pass the subsequent courses, pass the qualifying examination in one take, and finally reach my modular courses. Yet, even with a promising performance, I found myself needing to retake some modular courses, and I even asked myself, “Should I have reviewed my tests thrice and not just… twice?” Well, for me, it was fine because my state of mind at that time felt that, oh, nothing’s wrong with retaking; I’ve done it before. That step back was nothing new to me. So, after retaking that modular course, everything seemed to be fine–until I saw my raw average and by the irony of things, I missed by a few decimal points once again. And because retaking the subject is permitted only once, my time in the program was over this time. That was as far as one could go. I did not know what to do because I had already spent two solid years in the program, and I couldn’t blame the rules. That was when it dawned on me that this was my second step backward.
It was hard for me to come to terms with the reality that the path I had chosen for myself did not come to fruition. College felt like an environment wherein mere survival was encouraged. I also fell into the trap of doing what others before me had done, applying to every degree program with no qualifying process just to survive and get through college. But I knew a mindset for surviving is one short term, but a mindset for living is one long term. Surviving is merely overcoming a possible end, but living emphasizes life. And when you choose life, you choose to grow.
I chose to grow that day. Long-term growth was more important, and I didn’t want to simply survive college; I wanted to live it. This is why I chose to apply to the Applied Corporate Management program. It was intriguing because back then, whenever there were students in class from that program, they were always participative in class and professional in demeanor. Giving the application process a try was important because part of me hoped to become like them. For me, it was empowering to be unapologetic about trying to become whole again. My friends asked if this would make me happy because I was shifting alone, and I was also risking getting delayed again. But I told them that when you get used to rejection, you feel as if nothing can hurt you anymore. My step-backs up to that point had taken away some of my fears. And I wouldn’t have had the courage to do something that crucial without the experience of having missed retention grades and of being shifted out.
I took a leap of faith despite my doubts about whether I was the competent, agile, high-caliber, and top-of-his-game ACM student the Management and Organization Department was looking for. This energy inside of me made me want to work thrice as hard to be even half as good as one, and I praise God because the Department never saw me as unaccomplished. I found a new home.
To be continued…
The author delivered this speech as the response on behalf of the graduates during the 188th Commencement Exercises of De La Salle University last November 7, 2020.
The views expressed above are those of the author’s. They do not necessarily reflect the position of De La Salle University, its faculty, and its administrators.